I need clarity.

With all the talk going around, I just don’t know what is true anymore. Individually, I have been able to read, write and think but I haven’t been able to figure things out much. I use a lot of examples in everyday life, football, starcraft, etc. to describe my situation so that I can understand. But still, I can’t see beyond the problems.

I need light to shine on what is dark. We need the truth to shine on the lies and untruths. We need Jesus more than ever but instead of seeking him, we have relied on our own intelligence and our own insights to go about doing things. Lord, shine your light in our lives. Illumine my heart Lord. See if there is anything that is dishonoring to you, anything that is not pleasing to you. Show me.

Shine your light on my life, shine your light on my wife, shine your light on my family. Shine your light on darkness that fills my mind and the unclarity that disturbs my heart.

Lord, what is truly wrong with us? Sin, unforgiveness, lack of love, etc. We need you above all else. no vision, no direction, these are merely symptoms of a larger problem. We are disconnected from God. We are disconnected from the source of light, of true fellowship, of true worship. That is the reason we have worshiped idols rather than the true God. We need to conform our lives, our minds, our hearts, our desires to the Lord Jesus Christ.

I need Him above all else. Without Him, I will continue to complain, I will continue to be blind, I will continue to walk in darkness. Let me walk in faith, daily. Let me walk in faith in every circumstance. May my prayers match my words. May I not continue in my hypocrisy.

As I talked with A, L, N, and others, I continue to feel that I’m not quite there. I don’t know the answers, and I don’t know how to work with people to come to the answers, or answer. Even as I talk with R, I know that he doesn’t understand me completely. It is due mainly to our fallen nature and sin. But it is in those circumstances when we pray and look solely on God that we are set back on to the right track. Even during the deacon meeting and leadership meetings, discussion after discussion I am at a loss for words. I don’t know what to say or do. But I do know that after each meeting, I am a little bit more disgruntled… We seek not after God, so many times we are after our own agendas (knowingly or unknowingly)… But again, it is at the time of prayer that we are brought back to the reality of God and his kingdom. We need not only be reminded, but we need to experience, to taste, to feel, to truly be brought into the presence of God.

I need clarity. I need to pray… I need Jesus….